Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Sarah Unraveling

And the ouches just keep on comin'...

My Electoral Map has a kind of cool thing where you can make your own electoral map.

Here is the one I made. They give you help with most of the "safe" states, but you can change all of them. Here is how I see it shaking out. We'll see in November if I'm a regular Tim Russert or if it's "Dewey Defeats Truman" all over again.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Garbage In the Streets

I think you'll enjoy this.

I was driving down W. Manlius Street in Eastwood to buy a shower curtain. I was pretty much the only one on the road and was enjoying the sights of laundromats, townie bars and gas stations, footloose and fancy-free at 30 mph. I had a joyous, relaxing day off from work today and got quite a bit done -- although it turns out not as much as I had wanted to, although I will definitely get to it later.

Just when I thought my trek couldn't be more carefree or unobstructed, my number one pet peeve occurred: being cut off. I am not what you call a "reckless" driver; I drive with the utmost amount of reck you would find. But I am an impatient and aggressive driver. I don't like being slowed down because of some schmuck who doesn't know the rules of the road. I am well-known in my small circle of friends for "clearing the lane" on the I-90 Thruway; that is, tailgating cars in the left-hand lane to get them to move their asses to the right-hand lane so the rest of us who are actually driving OVER 70 mph can get to where we are going in a decent amount of time. Oddly, I find that the left-lane traffic is far worse going West (toward Rochester/Buffalo) than it is going east (to Utica/Albany).

Anyhoo, I thought I was going to be able to get to a main intersection unabated, when up ahead and to the left, I could see the ass-end of a truck, backing out of some townie bar parking lot and into the main road. There was no other traffic coming from either direction, except me to hinder his progress, so apparently he figured it was okay to just back directly into the road, forcing me to slow down and/or stop.

Usually, when I am backing into a road like this, I tend to do it expeditiously, often shifting from "reverse" to "drive" in a quick manner, often doing a mini peel-out to show that I meant no harm. The driver of this particular piece-of-shit cobalt blue truck, however, had no such designs on putting up a guise of traffic etiquette. Instead, he slowed it down to an almost complete stop, keeping his white reverse lights on for a few extra seconds, until finally putting his car into drive and going on his merry way.

Of course, I could never just let something like that go, so I purposely sped up to get very close to right behind him, and made a grand gesture of stopping abruptly, to show that he had indeed slowed me down. Then something puzzling happened...

Before I get to that part, let me quickly describe the couple sitting in the cab of the truck. The husband, probably about 5'8", wearing a baseball cap that probably has the number "3" with a halo around it, with a white tank top. The wife, probably about 5'10", hair in a bun, pink tank top, about 260 lbs. She looked like Chris Farley with a red wig. I put her odds of owning a yellow banana clip at 16-1.

Anyway, keep in mind, I never honked, never shook my fist out the window, never flashed my lights. I think the only thing I did was shake my head in tsk-tsking disapproval.

Suddenly, I see the wife/girlfriend/food-tester slide open the dual windows in the back of the cab. (You know the kind I mean, the two windows that look like a sliding glass door. I'm sure there's a name for it, but maybe it's just "sliding windows." And now, back to the countdown.) I also see the male driver adjust his rear-view window, maybe so he can look at me better.

The female proceeds to turn her body so that she is sitting sideways in the cab, and looks backward out the window for me. She then puts her arm out, as if she is putting it around her miserable boyfriend's shoulder, but with her hand hanging out of the back of the window. I found this curious, but hey, maybe some people have odd ways of being comfortable.

Out of nowhere, this woman flips me off. Stares out that window and flips me off! I showed a remarkable amount of restraint, I felt, in not honking, or even flashing my lights at these inbreds even though they were driving 20-25 mph after they cut in front of me. Yet, this Mindy Cohn look-alike has the gall to shoot her fat little hamhock-like mitt out the window and shoot me the bird? I think I actually said to myself aloud, "Did she just fuckin flip me off?" And I didn't even say it mad, I said it in the same way someone would say, "Do you know if we have any cereal?"

Nothing really happened after that, unfortunately, other than the fact that as soon as the single-lane road split off into two lanes, I sped off at a tremendous speed. I could have thrown the middle finger out the window myself or yelled "have another dooonut ya fat fuckin pig!" But I didn't. I went back to my satifsying life, where I am fulfilled by friends, learning, good books, crossword puzzles, films, great beer and music. They went back to their Dale, Sr. shrine and talked about how much they hate blacks. That's enough for me.

Carly Fiorino Digs Herself (and McCain-Palin) Into a Hole

Thursday, September 11, 2008

"His Worldview?"

Ahhhh... that's my girl! Don't forget, she's looking to be a heartbeat away from being the leader of the free world, folks.

Another beauty queen who has about as much foreign policy expertise...


To quote Norman Ornstein of Politico:

She had me at hello Charley-- had me scared to death. A combination of utter inexperience and utter arrogance is about the worst possible combination I can imagine. Not knowing what the Bush Doctrine is would be bad enough, but saying unequivocally that Georgia should be in NATO-- meaning we would now perhaps be in a state of war with Russia-- and then without a beat saying that military action should be the last resort-- shows a series of knowledge and logic gaps that ought to shake every foreign policy specialist, liberal or conservative, Democrat or Republican, to his or her roots.

And sayeth Wonkette:

We were expecting a puffy sort of chit-chat, and it mostly is, except for the part where they talk about WAR WITH FREAKING RUSSIA. Now, when you run around saying Georgia and Ukraine should be let into NATO — as both John McCain and Barack Obama do — as some reward for establishing a vaguely democratic government, that’s much more than a harmless platitude — there are actual, real-world implications! No one has really bothered to push McCain or Obama on this, which is why it’s so hilarious that Gibson pushed Palin on it during her first big interview. And she fucked up.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Lipstick on a C**t

Sorry, you can't be both an attack-dog and a shrinking violet.

Sorry Sarah Palin. No. Bad Governor. Bad bad Governor.

You can't rip into Obama and then feign offense and outrage because he used the age-old "lipstick on a pig" cliche.

Come out of your dungeon where you're trying to not make an ass of yourself in your debate and maybe say something off the cuff.

If you're gonna throw spears, you better have a shield ready. And if you're gonna be mouthy, you better be ready to get that mouth bloodied. You can't walk into a bar and talk shit without getting in a scuffle; what makes you think you can start being a lippy broad, but then be falsely outraged by quote-unquote "sexism"?

You can't.

If you can't handle it, take your Fargo accent back to Juneau. All your executive experience is sorely being missed up there.

This ain't hunting wolves from a helicopter, toots; The wolf is up in your smiley face. You think Putin is going to worry about being a sexist in a staredown? You think that douche in Iran gives a shit about being insensitive? Kim Jong Il is twice the woman you are anyway.

Put on a helmet or get the fuck off the gridiron.

Thursday, September 04, 2008

Picks 2008 - Football is Here!

I rounded up a bunch of my friends to make football predictions. In February, we'll come back and revisit these picks and see who knows about football! Here we go!

AFC East Champ
Danny, My Original College Friend: New England
EJ, My First Hispanic Roommate: New England
Bill, Me: Buffalo just kidding, New England
Cunningham, My Football Buddy and Second Tallest Friend: New England
Dunford, Nicest Guy Alive: New England
Toastie, My Cuddliest Friend: New England
Jitter, My Tallest Friend and Rabble-Rouser: New England
Mike (f/k/a Beach Justice), My Favorite Brother: New England
Willie, Cocksman: New England
Javen, Professional Beerjangler: Buffalo!

AFC North Champ
Danny: Pittsburgh
EJ: Pittsburgh
Bill: Cleveland
Cunningham: Pittsburgh
Dunford: Pittsburgh
Toastie: Cleveland
Jitter: Pittsburgh
Mike: Pittsburgh
Willie: Cleveland
Javen: Pittsburgh

AFC South Champ
Danny: Indianapolis
EJ: Indianapolis
Bill: Jacksonville
Cunningham: Indianapolis
Dunford: Jacksonville
Toastie: Jacksonville
Jitter: Jacksonville
Mike: Indianapolis
Willie: Indianapolis
Javen: Indianapolis

AFC West Champ
Danny: San Diego
EJ: San Diego
Bill: San Diego
Cunningham: San Diego
Dunford: San Diego
Toastie: San Diego
Jitter: San Diego
Mike: San Diego
Willie: San Diego
Javen: San Diego

AFC Wild Card teams
Danny: Jacksonville, Houston
EJ: Kansas City, NY Jets
Bill: Pittsburgh, Indianapolis
Cunningham: Jacksonville, Denver
Dunford: Indianapolis, Buffalo
Toastie: Indianapolis, Houston
Jitter: Indianapolis, NY Jets
Mike: Buffalo, Jacksonville
Willie: Jacksonville, Pittsburgh
Javen: Cleveland, Jacksonville

NFC East Champ
Danny: Dallas
EJ: NY Giants
Bill: Dallas
Cunningham: Dallas
Dunford: Dallas
Toastie: NY Giants (fuckin' Kevin Boss baby!)
Jitter: Philadelphia
Mike: Philadelphia
Willie: Dallas
Javen: Dallas

NFC North Champ
Danny: Minnesota
EJ: Minnesota
Bill: Chicago
Cunningham: Minnesota
Dunford: Minnesota
Toastie: (do I really have to pick one?) Minnesota
Jitter: Minnesota
Mike: Minnesota
Willie: Minnesota
Javen: Minnesota

NFC South Champ
Danny: New Orleans
EJ: New Orleans
Bill: Tampa Bay
Cunningham: New Orleans
Dunford: New Orleans
Toastie: New Orleans (you know why)
Jitter: New Orleans
Mike: New Orleans
Willie: New Orleans
Javen: New Orleans

NFC West Champ
Danny: Seattle
EJ: Arizona
Bill: Seattle
Cunningham: Seattle
Dunford: Seattle
Toastie: Arizona (the mighty Cardinal, cuz the little fella has a big heart, plus the season preview from deadspin was hilarious)
Jitter: Seattle
Mike: Seattle
Willie: Seattle
Javen: Seattle

NFC Wild Card teams
Danny: Philadelphia, NY Giants
EJ: Dallas, Chicago
Bill: Philadelphia, New Orleans
Cunningham: Philadelphia, Green Bay
Dunford: Carolina, Arizona
Toastie: Washington, DE-troit
Jitter: Dallas, St. Louis
Mike: Dallas, Arizona
Willie: Philadelphia, Carolina
Javen: Philadelphia, Green Bay

AFC Champion
Danny: San Diego
EJ: Indianapolis
Bill: New England
Cunningham: New England
Dunford: San Diego
Toastie: Indianapolis
Jitter: Jacksonville
Mike: Patriots
Willie: San Diego (over Jacksonville)
Javen: Pittsburgh

NFC Champion
Danny: Seattle
EJ: Dallas
Bill: Dallas
Cunningham: Dallas
Dunford: Dallas
Toastie: New Orleans
Jitter: Philadelphia
Mike: New Orleans
Willie: New Orleans (over Dallas)
Javen: New Orleans

Super Bowl Champion
Danny: San Diego
EJ: Indianapolis
Bill: Dallas
Cunningham: New England
Dunford: San Diego
Toastie: Indianapolis
Jitter: Philadelphia
Mike: New England
Willie: San Diego, 38-23
Javen: New Orleans

Danny: Tony Romo, DAL
EJ: Peyton Manning, IND
Bill: LaDainian Tomlinson, S.D.
Cunningham: L. Tomlinson, S.D.
Dunford: Tony Romo, DAL
Toastie: Adrian Peterson, MIN
Jitter: Brian Westbrook, PHI
Mike: Tom Brady, N.E.
Willie: L. Tomlinson, S.D.
Javen: pass

Offensive Player of the Year
Danny: Tony Romo, DAL
EJ: L. Tomlinson, S.D.
Bill: Adrian Peterson, MIN
Cunningham: L. Tomlinson, S.D.
Dunford: L. Tomlinson, S.D.
Toastie: Kevin Boss Drew "D.Breesy" Brees, N.O.
Jitter: Brian Westbrook, PHI
Mike: Tom Brady, N.E.
Willie: L.Tomlinson/Drew Brees
Javen: Drew Brees, N.O.

Defensive Player of the Year
Danny: Antonio Cromartie, S.D.
EJ: Derrick Johnson, K.C.
Bill: Lofa Tatupu, SEA
Cunningham: Dwight Freeney, IND
Dunford: Jared Allen, MIN
Toastie: DeMeco Ryans, HOU
Jitter: Mario Williams, HOU
Mike: Patrick Willis, S.F.
Willie: Mario Williams, HOU/Julius Peppers, CAR
Javen: Patrick Willis, S.F.

Coach of the Year
Danny: Norv Turner, S.D.
EJ: Tony Dungy, IND
Bill: Ken Whisenhunt, ARI
Cunningham: Tony Dungy, IND
Dunford: Jack Del Rio, JAC
Toastie: Sean Payton, N.O.
Jitter: Jack Del Rio, JAC
Mike: Richard Jauron, BUF
Willie: Romeo Crennel, CLE / Brad Childress, MIN
Javen: Dick Jauron

Offensive Rookie of the Year
Danny: Chris Jones, SEA
EJ: Donnie Avery, STL
Bill: Darren McFadden, OAK
Cunningham: Darren McFadden, OAK
Dunford: Jonathan Stewart, CAR
Toastie: Kevin Smith, DET
Jitter: Kevin Smith, DET
Mike: Dustin Keller, NYJ
Willie: Matt Ryan, ATL
Javen: Matt Forté, CHI / Matt Ryan, ATL

Defensive Rookie of the Year
Danny: Derrick Harvey, JAC
EJ: Glenn Dorsey, K.C.
Bill: Domanique Rodgers-Cromartie, ARI
Cunningham: Glenn Dorsey, K.C.
Dunford: Leodis McKelvin, BUF
Toastie: Glenn Dorsey, K.C.
Jitter: Glenn Dorsey, K.C.
Mike: Dominique Rodgers-Cromarti, ARI
Willie: Vernon Gholston, NYJ / Chris Long, STL
Javen: Chris Long, STL

Passing Leader (yds)
Danny: Carson Palmer, CIN
EJ: Tom Brady, N.E.
Bill: Drew Brees, NO
Cunningham: Tony Romo, DAL
Dunford: Tony Romo, DAL
Toastie: Peyton Manning, IND
Jitter: Tom Brady, N.E.
Mike: Drew Brees, N.O.
Willie: Drew Brees/Peyton Manning
Javen: Drew Brees, N.O.

Rushing Leader (yds)
Danny: Adrian Peterson, MIN
EJ: Adrian Peterson, MIN
Bill: Adrian Peterson, MIN
Cunningham: Adrian Peterson, MIN
Dunford: L. Tomlinson, S.D.
Toastie: Adrian Peterson, MIN
Jitter: Adrian Peterson, MIN
Mike: L. Tomlinson, S.D.
Willie: L.Tomlinson/A.Peterson
Javen: Adrian Peterson, MIN

Receiving Leader (yds)
Danny: Larry Fitzgerald, ARI
EJ: Randy Moss, N.E.
Bill: Randy Moss, N.E.
Cunningham: Terrell Owens, DAL
Dunford: Braylon Edwards, CLE
Toastie: Andre Johnson, HOU
Jitter: Reggie Wayne, IND
Mike: Randy Moss, N.E.
Willie: Braylon Edwards/Torry Holt
Javen: Larry Fitzgerald, ARI

Sack leader:
Danny: Mario Williams, HOU
EJ: Jared Allen, MIN
Bill: Mario Williams, HOU
Cunningham: Shaun Phillips, S.D.
Dunford: Jared Allen, MIN
Toastie: Justin Tuck, NYG
Jitter: Mario Williams, HOU
Mike: Mario Williams, HOU
Willie: Mario Williams, HOU
Javen: Justin Tuck, NYG

AFC Sleeper Team
Danny: Houston
EJ: Kansas City (their defense is going to grab them a couple upset wins)
Bill: Buffalo
Cunningham: Buffalo
Dunford: Buffalo
Toastie: Houston
Jitter: Baltimore
Mike: Buffalo
Willie: Houston
Javen: Buffalo

NFC Sleeper Team
Danny: New Orleans
EJ: Dallas (Romo in '08)
Bill: Detroit
Cunningham: Atlanta
Dunford: Arizona
Toastie: Arizona
Jitter: St. Louis
Mike: Arizona
Willie: Washington
Javen: Carolina

Write 'em down in case the internet crashes!

Take That You Tina Fey-Looking Dummy

A great line I read today on the Community Organizers Fight Back Blog.

Jesus Christ was a community organizer.

Pontius Pilate was a governor.

Barack-n-Roll on these pigs.

And another thing...

While it's annoying to hear John McCain talk about being part of "the party of Abraham Lincoln and Ronald Reagan" -- as if they are in the same league -- it is maddening to hear him evoke the name of Teddy Roosevelt, who actually left the Republican Party (when it was the liberal party in the United States, by the way) to form the Progressive Party in 1912. (This was when the Democrats were led by anti-Darwinist William Jennings Bryan, the Buffalo Bills of politicians, having lost the presidential election three times.) It's misleading and disingenuous.

And one more perspective...

Wednesday, September 03, 2008

It's On

...It is so fuckin' on.

Sarah Palin gave a pretty forceful speech, basically starting a new culture war between the small-town salt of the earth and the liberal elites.

But in doing so, she has to give up any pretense of being some kind of wilting flower when Joe Biden embarrasses her in their one Vice-Presidential debate. She can't come out like a spitfire and then call sexism. Can't have it both ways. She can either be the hockey mom or the feisty firebrand.

She had to pick one, and she did.

And now the gloves need to come off.

She is, I'm sure, very happy about her speech within the friendly confines of the RNC, but she isn't going to be debating straw men set up by Jim-Bob and Peggy-Sue types; she's going against one of the foremost foreign policy experts in the country, and now that she's asserted herself with such a strong speech, it's time for Biden to bring the ...WOOOOH... hurricane.

No more playing nice, Dems. Fuck this "don't be condescending" shit. Nothing could compare with the snarky tone of that speech. Time to take the sash off the beauty queen. Instead of carrying around the card that says "Round 1," she needs to tape herself up and go into her corner.

This is gonna be awesome!

Rudy's Impeccable Judgment

Before you all start high-fiving each other over Rudy Giuliani's speech at tonight's RNC, let's not forget what he said only four short years ago at 2004's RNC.

Yeah, I definitely trust what he said tonight though. I mean, he hardly even mentioned 9/11 more than 5-6 times!

Tuesday, September 02, 2008


The word "patriotism" doesn't really have a definite meaning after all. I've been thinking about it a lot lately and I'm struggling with what it is.

Does it mean that you defend your country to the hilt? Or does it mean you criticize it when it starts acting up? Is patriotism being a yes-man, or speaking truth to power?

Where is the line? Fred D. Thompson spoke at tonight's RNC about John McCain and took a swipe at Barack Obama, saying (paraphrasing) that Obama basically gave a speech apologizing to the rest of the world for our shortcomings. Is it better to defend our country when it is as screwed up as it is now? Or should we acknowledge what's wrong and try and fix it?

If our country is so bad, then why does Obama love it so much? And if our country is so great, then why is McCain trying to reform it?

If you ask me, it's time we started taking a good, long look in the mirror and snap out of our narcissism.

This country CAN be great. It isn't now. It just isn't. Things may have been worse here (they talk about 1968 a lot) but they haven't been this bad in my own lifetime. Our economy is in the tank, we are dispised around the world, inflation is hitting all walks of life, and all our companies are being bought out by foreign competitors.

Also, I think it's great to be proud of your country, but do we constantly have to call ourselves "number one"? We can believe we're number one, we can hold ourselves to a high moral standard. But do we have to constantly throw it in the face of every other country that their country isn't as good as ours? No wonder everyone hates us.

I look at our tendencies to be jingoistic blowhards about our own superiority, and compare it to the fans of the Yankees and the Patriots. (Yes, I'm trying to piss everyone off.) For you see, for many years these two teams have ruled their respective sports, often winning their divisions and making their respective championship games. They are empirically the best teams of the last decade in each of their sports.

But when these teams are on top, you hear nothing but "Yankee Universe" and "19-0" and "Count the Rings!" and "Humble Pie" and all sorts of self-aggrandizement. It's one thing for these two teams to be dominant year-in and year-out, but it's another to have to listen to their fans yammer on about it all year long.

I feel like other countries feel the same about us. We are constantly saying that we are "the greatest nation in the world" -- or if you are a bimbo like Sean Hannity, it's "the greatest best country God has ever given man on the face of the earth!" But is our constant repetition of this fact to make other countries jealous? Or is it an "I'm good enough/smart enough/doggone it people like me?" Daily Affirmation? Either way, it seems a bit beneath us.

Do we have to wave the flag and shout "U.S.A.!" to show that we actually love this country? Or do we live our lives and behave ourselves in a way befitting of the greatest citizens of the greatest country? I have never been outside North America, but I honestly cannot imagine that any other country in this world exists with the opportunity, innovation and creativity of this one. Of course I know there is a lowest common denominator element here, but I'd rather have that common denominator have a chance and find a voice than to endure the hegemony of elitism. (We choose intellectualism because we prefer it, not because we must.)

When we see the arrogance of France, we think of them as stuck-up a-holes. Yet I'm sure they see us the same way. Just because we are "right" doesn't make our behavior less odious.

I would never want to live in any other country besides this one. Not Ireland, not Canada, not anywhere. But I can keep it to myself. Just because I don't go outside with a megaphone doesn't mean I love it less than you do. I don't have to drape myself in the Stars and Stripes to show you my love for this country. And just because I'm not proud of some of our country's dealings* doesn't mean that I wouldn't defend our way of life.

But we need to get off this name-calling kick where we are questioning others' patriotism because, in-effect, we don't agree on the definition in the first place.

After all, patriotism is not a celebration of a multi-colored flag, nor of an abstract concept of a national entity, but a celebration of a country's people. And when we attack each other over petty crap like that, we give ourselves less reasons to celebrate ourselves, and therefore less reasons to be patriotic.

*The Iraq War, the Valerie Plame Scandal, the Alberto Gonzales U.S. Attorney firings, the pardon of Scooter Libby, the Downing Street Memo, FEMA's response to Katrina, Karl Rove saying John McCain fathered a black child out of wedlock, Newt Gingrich's ethics violations, the Southern Strategy, Watergate, Slavery, the Tuskegee Experiment, the Patriot Act, not signing the Kyoto Treaty, My Pet Goat, etc.

"Swear to God" with the Rev. Winton Dupree

I've noticed that I've been swearing a lot lately. So to atone for my profanity, please view this short religious film to cleanse your palate and cleanse your soul.


Monday, September 01, 2008

Karl Rove is a Piece of Shit

Today Karl Rove called Joe Biden a "blowhard doofus."

This fat faggot should enjoy the next five months of his life, because on January 20th, when his homeboy Dubya leaves office as a powerless lameduck, he's not going to be protected anymore.

John F. Kennedy: Gunned down.

Martin Luther King: Shot dead.

Robert Kennedy: Killed by gunfire.

Benazir Bhutto: Assassinated.

Medgar Evars: Killed.

And yet this fuckbag who looks like a grown infant still walks as a free man, defiantly refusing to testify in front of congress. Can you imagine if you or I did that? He even got a job working for Fox News.

Every night before I go to bed I pray for an extra five minutes, that Obama waits until after he is elected president, and then forces this amorphous bag of shit to testify like a regular citizen.