Monday, August 31, 2009

Sunday, August 30, 2009

Thruway Driving and You

I consider myself an excellent driver. Others don't, but I do. If there is one skill I have, it's driving on the New York State Thruway. I-90 is my turf, either east- or westbound, and I make the rules. If you don't want to follow them, you need to take back roads. Period.

My greatest gift in Thruway driving is "clearing the lane," as the Bohall calls it. It consists of unclogging the logjam in the left lane, like a quadruple bypass through an atery. I do this by tailgating and aggressive/copious use of turn signals (the tailgating + "hey, move it asshole" signal is a favorite). If you are in front of me, you are moving too slowly. I have shit to do, you are in my way.

There are a few simple rules of Thruway driving, and today, most people didn't care to follow any of them. So for those that forgot them, here they are:
  • When in the left/passing lane, drive faster than the car to your right, or I will tailgate you. This is the simplest and most important rule in the book; if you can't follow it, you should not be operating a motor vehicle.

  • Don't pull in front of me and then slow down, for I will stalk you and kill you. You can wait to do whatever it is you have to do; I can't.

  • If there is no one in front of you, you need to drive faster, or I will eat your children. The Thruway is utilitarian; it is not meant for sight-seeing. If you want sight-seeing, get off at the next fucking exit and take the one-lane roads, dick.

  • If you are to the left of me, hovering, and I put my left signal on, pass me, or I will throw a molotov cocktail through your window. It's a hint that you are driving like an asshole; take this nugget and learn from it.

  • You should be driving at least 80 miles per hour any time you are in the left hand lane. The one exception is when you are coming up upon one of those "Don't U-Turn" signs, since that's where cops live. At this point, you may slow down to 75. If you don't do this, I will sideswipe you into the median.

  • Get off your fucking phone if it causes you to drive 60 mph on the Thruway. I have places to be and I don't want to have to wait for your fucking ass.

  • If you are in the left/passing lane, and multiple people are passing you on the right, take the hint and get the hell over. It's the driver's version of calling you incompetent at your task.

  • Do not, under any goddamn circumstances, let an 18-wheeler pull in front of you in the passing lane. Pass it, and let it wait until there is NO ONE behind it. Eighteen-wheelers are the anti-Christ; if you help them, you are part of the problem.

  • If you are in front of me, and I am up on your ass, and you hit your brakes to try and scare me, you might as well pick up that cell phone to call your relatives and say good-bye, because you have just signed your own death warrant.
No one enjoys driving on the Thruway, but it is a straight line, so we all have to deal with it. If you can't handle it, stick to the bunny slope, newb. If I see you out there and you can't follow all of the rules, you'll know I'm there soon enough.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

A Slight Resemblance?

Trent Edwards

Peter Dinklage

Monday, August 10, 2009

The Young Cons

Joke or no? I swear I can't tell.

This one on the other hand....

Friday, August 07, 2009

Decisions, Decisions

Courtesy of Crappy Graphs...

TV Lesbian Breaks It Down Re: Town Hall Protests

Please take 10 minutes of your time to watch this information about these so-called "spontaneous" town-hall meeting shouting matches. It is all fabricated, contrived rage, foisted upon us by large right-wing corporations.

It's goes along with the birthers, the Swift-Boat Vets and others who live by the mantra, "If you tell a lie enough times, it becomes the truth." It is the continued shame of the once-spartan Republican party. I'm sure that John McCain had no idea that by picking Sarah Palin, he would unearth this unsanitary subterranean nation of hillbillies and mongoloids. These people need to be shut the fuck down so they will shut the fuck up.

This is important.

Thursday, August 06, 2009

Fine, You Caught Me

Someone unearthed my Kenyan birth certificate. Damn you, Lou Dobbs!

Saturday, August 01, 2009

Give Up On Your Life

If ever you questioned just how out of touch and myopic conservatives are, please read this article by Jonah Goldberg at, as well as the subsequent comments by its mongoloid subscribers.

The basic idea of the article is that LIBERALS are so worried about global warming and the environment and hugging trees and such, that it never occurs to them that the earth could get pounded by a meteor in 2019! (If he had done a lick of research, he'd know that the asteroid is actually coming as early as 2037.)

In other words, why bother worrying about the environment when at any second -- KABOOM! -- it could all be gone anyway?! There is no need for clean air, potable water, an intact ozone layer, or any of the items that LIBERALS think you need. It's that Negro Messiah NOBAMA who is tricking you into thinking that the world's ecology is deteriorating, and most LIBERALS in Socialist AmeriKa believe it!

As one commenter said, "What happens when the idiots behind the fake Global Warming give us an ice age instead? That's what their models predicted back in the 1970s... Small input changes to the models give wildly divergent results." This knuckle-dragger apparently doesn't realize that global warming isn't just about the planet heating up, but a destabilization in the climate as a whole -- including pressure systems changing that could cause more unstable weather patterns, like hurricanes, for example.

Others note that Chicago and NYC have recorded their coldest June and July, respectively, on record. That means global warming is a crock, right?!?!?!

I think we should all follow the logic of this article, that we don't have control over meteors, so why worry about it? We should all stop going to school and to work, and people should stop writing books and making music. Why don't we just prepare for the coming of the meteor and turn in our badges now?

Every day, conservatives move further from Barry Goldwater, William F. Buckley and even their supposed hero Ronald Reagan, and move toward Glenn Beck, Limbaugh and Fred Phelps. It is fine for conservatives to have a set of ideals, but when they ignore empirical fact (such as John Kerry's Swiftboat activities, Obama's birth, or the scientific fact of global environmental decay), they look like a bunch of idiots.