Wednesday, September 20, 2006

I Have Nothing to Blog About

My copious fan base has been begging me to come up with some sort of topic to blog about, but let's face it, I have nothing. And no one gives a shit what I have to say anyway (to paraphrase the title of this very blog you hold in your hand).

So I'm going to simply spout out some arbitrary type stuff that I've been thinking of. Wanna hear it here it go...

  • I think it's kind of hilarious that Muslims are getting all bent out of shape about the Pope reciting a 600 year old bit of text by Manuel II Paleologus, that Pope Benedict XVI recited. Let's remember folks: Muslims refuse to take any of these Islamofascist terrorists to task for carbombing, suicide bombing, and hijacking. Oh but Allah forbid that the Pope recite something from six centuries ago, or that someone draw a picture of the prophet. Oh, then suddenly the protests come out hot and heavy. (Come on, do these people have anything better to do with their time than stand in crowds and burn things? Do they????) These people who stand up against words, images and dialogue, yet refuse to condemn carnage and the loss of innocent civilian lives at the hands of their terrorist brethren are simply cowards. Take a look in the mirror and the culture that those who have hijacked your religion has brought you.

  • I am a little leery of people who are dead-set against all immigration to this country. To me, it is a form of racism, due to the fact that it is mostly people with brown skin who are moving into our country through the southern border. These are the same people who embrace California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger and want to actually add a constitutional amendment to make him -- A FOREIGNER -- eligible to run for president. Oh I get it: it's okay for a white person to come into our country and lead the nation, but if someone with brown skin wants to come in and clean toilets for a living, that's not okay? Makes perfect sense.

    I'm not saying we should have all-out barnstorming through our borders, but let's look at the people who are so adamant against these laws. Most of them are white Republicans. And they hold onto this ideal of some pure American way. Do you know what they are really afraid of? They are really afraid of Mexican (or other Latino cultures) infiltrating their pure southern ways of life. They are afraid of races combining. That is the truth; but they won't say it. They don't give a shit about jobs; these migrant workers do jobs that none of us would be willing to do. It's a matter of wanting to keep the brown people out of our country, plain and simple.

  • I love beer. I love beer so much. And it's not because I'm some stupid fratboy who just loves to get drunk. I love knowing about beer. I love being a beer "snob." I love being able to take a sip of a beer and identify what style it is. I love paying over $8 for a six-pack. I love calling Javen and Bruce and asking them to give me suggestions. I love seeing a wall of beer at a beer store and being totally overwhelmed by what to get. It's the same feeling I used to get at record stores when I was in high school. I love rating beers at Beer Advocate. I love looking in my fridge and seeing an IPA, an ale, a Wit, a double IPA, a bitter, a winter ale, a stout and a porter, and knowing I can choose any one I like. But why? I can't quite figure it out.

  • I watched that show Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip the other night and I have such mixed feelings. (It's that show about a Saturday Night Live-type show where everything goes haywire and they have to revamp everything.) The show started off with such a bullshit, ripped-off premise: the head of a late night sketch show goes crazy one night and starts ranting about how horrible television is, how bad networks have gotten, art vs. commerce. It's a total rip-off of the movie Network, directed by Sidney Lumet. In fact, in the pilot, all the so-called news organizations reporting the exec-producer's meltdown all mention Network and the movie's screenwriter Paddy Chayefsky. As if simply knowing that reference puts the show in some rarified air. (Yes we have resorted to TV shows referencing other movies.)

    The creator of the show, Aaron Sorkin, is a thorn in my side. I want to like his stuff. He wrote the movies A Few Good Men and The American President, as well as created the TV shows "Sports Night" and "The West Wing." On one hand, I really want to like his material. He really seems to want to advance the art of dialogue. But every time I sit down and watch any of his shows or movies, they turn into the same preachy, didactic drivel that I hate. He wants so badly to teach all of us how to think and how to be. And also, all his shows are fraught with all this high-falutin' dialogue, and then someone saying something so dramatic that everyone else in the room has to stop and stare in awe, and then those same people being inspired to do something important and great.

    Listen folks, I don't need Aaron fucking Sorking to tell me how to think. If I want someone to tell me how to think, I will look to David Mamet, Paul Thomas Anderson, Charlie Kaufman, Richard Price, Mitchell Hurwitz, Matt Groenig, Marshall Rawson Thurber, Joel and Ethan Coen, Billy Wilder, Larry David and/or Vincent Gallo. These people can set me straight. Aaron Sorkin is a hack.

    Oh, and by the way, the best show on TV right now is "How I Met Your Mother." It's the best show now that "Arrested Development" is off the air. Although they ARE showing it on the cable channel G4! Check it out! In a way, maybe it's good for me that "Arrested D" got cancelled. When it was on, every other show looked like crap by comparison. Now that I am forced to try out other shows, it's making me a little more tolerant.

  • I am very happy that my Bills are 1-1 right now, considering most preseason "experts" (notice the ironic use of quotations marks) picked them to win a maximum of like four games. But if there is anything we football fans know, it's that you don't know a goddamn thing at the end of Week Two. I would love to see my Herd rip through the next fourteen games and come out with a winning record and [gasp] make the playoffs. And some people have noticed that "our" defense is playing really well. It's true, but let's not forget back in 2003 when Buffalo started 2-0, and everyone was calling them the best team in the league, before they shit the bed and ended the season 6-10. I am all about unearned optimism, but we have a lot of season left; let's not get carried away. (However, I must confess that if they do win the Super Bowl, it will probably wipe away 30 years of heartache across the board. I don't think any one player on that team can possibly fathom how much their successs means to me, psychologically.)

  • I wonder if there has ever been an epidemic I have been less worried about than the E.Coli/Spinach situation.

  • Your boy "W" will go down as one of the five worst presidents in our country's history. Put it on the board. I trust our government so little that when I hear that they condemned the recent coup d'etat in Thailand, I'm starting to wonder if it's a good idea.

  • Here is a list of people I currently hate: Terrell Owens, Oprah, Pete Dougherty, Drew Rosenhaus, Ann Coulter, Bill O'Reilly, Hugo Chavez, director Kevin Smith, Paris Hilton, Dick Vitale. Add your own!

So that's about all I got. I hope you enjoyed the smattering of bullcrap that I was able to spit out there. I'm sure you don't give two shits about it, but it's the best I can do.

1 comment:

'Don' Cialini said...

Excellent list of people to hate, although I would replace Dickie V with the Iranian President. Oh, and since you have nothing to blog about, take that ass over to golden age hip hop and update that - Dodger.