Wednesday, December 17, 2008

A Christmas Terrell

Santa brought me an early Christmas gift: a Terrell Owens interview where he gets to cry about how unfair life is.

Is anyone else getting sick of this asshole? He is perpetually instigating and causing trouble, and then he is constantly complaining about how he's unfairly criticized. He doesn't seem to realize that it's easy for anyone to just disappear into quiet life. And you can't be universally beloved when a) you are constantly drawing attention to yourself, because anyone well known will be disliked by a certain segment of the populations, and b) you are a complete and utter dick.

One thing I will give Owens credit for, however, is his command of the King's English. Behold.

"There were reports that myself, Roy and Patrick all got together, you know, and I'm the head honcho of all this."
- Owens on the meeting he had with his teammates. I think it's telling that Terrell doesn't really understand what the term "head honcho" means. He also uses the tried-and-true method of attempting to make himself look more intelligent by referring to himself in the first person as "myself." Well played.

"It seems like every time something happens or arises, I'm the blame. I'm the pitfall for everything."
- Owens on how everyone is so mean to him. To me, the phrase "I'm the pitfall" is one that should enter the English lexicon, and NOW. To say "I'm the fall guy" would assume that Owens has any cultural awareness or basic knowledge of colloquial idioms.

"We're trying to make a playoff push, and every game, thereafter, is critical for us!"
- Owens, talking about the Cowboys needs to right the ship. Again, Owens -- by using the word "thereafter" -- attempts to polysyllabically get himself out of looking like a dummy. (He does the same thing a few sentences later when he uses the word "amongst.")

"We know what kind of usplosive offense we have, and we know we have a lot of capable players ... of making plays."
- Owens, advancing the spoken word.

"Just say give this incident, for example."
- Owens, clearly meaning to say, "For instance...."
And yet the cold hard fact is that he makes more during a bye week than I will make over the next twenty years.

Of course, Stephen A. Smith likes to get into the act to saying that someone in the Cowboys organization "evidently said something to him along those lines, essentially to sully your name," not only doing a great impression of the Damon Wayons character on "In Living Color" who used to use big words he didn't understand, but also to imply that somehow the name "Terrell Fucking Owens" hadn't been sullied like seven years ago.

I love this new hero worship by our sports media. Makes me definitely not hate ESPN or sports in general at all.


Willie Moe said...

I loved that In Living Color skitch ( I can make up words too!). But when ever I quote it and say, 'Allow me to, ejaculate." people who are unaware of the skitch, think I'm creepy and shy away. Maybe I should stop opening with that when I meet people?

Bill said...

I don't think it's what you say that makes people feel uncomfortable. I think it's all that ejaculation.

Clamchowderz said...

1st of all, you have no idea what its like to play NFL football. and so what if someone speaks their mind, at least he's honest.
See you guys in Tampa!
check out

Bill said...

I'll have you know I was the slot/Z-receiver for the Detroit Lions from 1998-2004. Unfortunately, I injured my uvula on my game winning TD catch in overtime in the team's Golden Anniversary season.

As for the shirts: oy. He can speak his mind all he wants, he just probably just learn the alphabet first.