Thursday, May 31, 2007

Oh My Darling Clemens, Die

Roger Clemens
is a douche
la la la la la.

Here's why:

  • He signed a one-year contract for $28,000,022. See the $22 at the end? It's because his number is 22. Why not sign for $22 million? After all, he did say, "If you think it's about money, you're greatly mistaken. I'm not going to put my body through the paces I put my body through to earn a few more dollars."

  • He showed up out of shape and is pitching in the minors right now. For that kinda money, shouldn't the fat-ass be at least somewhat in shape?

  • He says how much he loves the Yankees and then only travels with the team when he's in the rotation, so he can watch his kids play high school baseball. He has complained about having to carry his own luggage. As the NY Daily news says: "What's forgotten in all the 'family plan' talk about Clemens is that the Astros, who instituted it for Roger in the first place, had already told him that they weren't going to do it this season. And it's because they felt it was counterproductive for the team, especially when the Rocket was seen out and about (like at golf tournaments) instead of spending time with his family."

  • He once said of the Japanese and Korean teams in the 2006 World Baseball Classic: "None of the dry cleaners were open, they were all at the game, Japan and Korea." Where's Reverend Al?

  • He named his dopey kids Koby, Kory, Kacy, and Kody, after all the "K"s (or strikeouts) that he's thrown in his career.

  • He retired after 2003 to huge fanfare at Yankee Stadium, and then came back in 2004 to play for another team paying more money. Then he did the same thing in 2005 and 2006. Does he understand what the term "retire" means? Is he that sad to be out of the spotlight?

  • That bat-throwing thing he pulled with Mike Piazza in the 2000 World Series. (He is 12th all-time in hit batsmen.) What is this faggot crap?

  • He was known as a major choke-artist before he lucked into the 1999-2000 Yankee teams, pitching in series that were never in doubt. (Read more from a 2000 Slate article after he had won his first series.

  • The Houston Astros drafted his dopey son Koby as a favor to "the Rocket" in 2005 so that they could spend more time together as a family (which is why "the Rocket" claims he wants all those days off), and then he leaves the organization.

  • Even white-trash like David Wells called him out: "I don't think I would ever do it because of the fact I personally think it would disrespect the team and your teammates. You look at the other players. How are they going to respect you? What are they going to think if you're not there pulling for the team?"

  • When Hank Aaron said that pitchers shouldn't be eligible for the MVP, because they have the Cy Young award, Clemens said: "I wish he were still playing. I'd probably crack his head open to show him how valuable I was." Let's start a rumor that he's a major racist.

By the way, this has nothing to do with the fact that he's a Yankee. I have hated him since he was with Boston, and I hated him with Toronto and Houston too, for the same reasons. He will make his debut Monday against the White Sox. I can only hope his fat, privileged ass gets lit up. He is the consummate spoiled athlete who truly believes he is better than other people.


1 comment:

Jaime said...

He showed up out of shape and is pitching in the minors right now. For that kinda money, shouldn't the fat-ass be at least somewhat in shape?

If it makes you feel any better...

Clemens will lose $153,006 for each day he's not added to major league roster. (Source)

Not that he'll notice. Just sayin'.