The Most Pathetic Ad Ever

Apparently the recession has hit the great state of Washington very hard. Please take the next 1:24 to view the following video, a Republican-made video that is intended to "welcome" Michelle Obama to Washington State.



There are three simply wonderful things about this ad.

#1. The production value is second to none. Not only is the quality of the VHS tape used for this spot of the highest quality (I would have to guess it's a JVC T-120 SX), but the acting is remarkable. Watch the way Lori Sotelo completely disappears into her role as "Patriotic Woman No. 1" by moving her eyes from left to right (or right to left for we, the viewers). The charisma just drips off of grassroots activist Melo-dy Leo (aka "Patriotic Woman No. 2") as she speaks from the heart, talking extemporaneously about how Americans can speak freely, and how she wakes up every morning proud to be an American. This clearly came right off the top of her head. State Senator Val Stevens ("Patriotic Woman #3") gave her not-at-all-contrived answer in front of a TV that she had turned up all the way.

#2. The reasons for being proud of America are well said and completely original. Lori Sotelo says that she is proud to be an American "because we live in the land of the free, home of the brave." Holy shit, where did she come up with that?! Fucking poetry. Is she one of McCain's speechwriters? Rose Strong ("Patriotic Woman #4") says (and please note the flawless syntax in this sentence), "no matter what your background, race or religion you have, you can do or be whatever you set your mind to!" Stand back folks, there are some new and radical ideas coming down the pike in this ad. I can do accomplish anything if I believe in my self??? We live in the land of the free? The home of the motherfucking brave?????!?!?!?!??!! Mine eyes have seen the glory! Take me now, lord! These words are dangerous and powerful! They could give people new ideas and inspire them!

#3. Thank goodness someone finally questioned Michelle Obama's patriotism. As we all know, black people have had it pretty easy in this country. Things like Jim Crow laws and segregation were really necessary because black folks were getting too much freedom. So how dare a person of color like Michelle Obama have the audacity to imply that somehow her country has not always served her best, due to the color of her skin? I'll bet she is ungrateful to Abraham Lincoln too, who did her the favor of setting black people free from slavery! Doesn't Michelle Obama realize how lucky black people have been in this country? A free ride on a slave ship and 200 years of inequality? Um, you're welcome, I guess! Not to mention, we all know that the best way to show your love of country is by reciting the pledge of allegiance, and spouting trite and well-worn phrases about "freedom," "pride" and "freedom." Questioning the way your country operates -- no matter how fucked up it is, and how much it is actually ruining its own legacy -- is simply not patriotic. Blind justification and partisan loyalty is!

Of course, what do you expect from someone who married a guy who wouldn't even wear a $2 metallic American flag pin?????!!!!!!??????!!!!111 How can you trust someone like that????!!!!??????!!!!!!1111one1111

Hopefully this ad inspired you as much as it inspired me. Now get out there and sing "God Bless America" at a baseball game, drink a Budweiser, and do all the things that proud Americans do!!!!!!!!!!!! For America!!!!!!!