The L-Word, and Why People Hate It

"Liberal" has become a swear word among some people, mostly on the right side of the political spectrum. Say what you will about Republicans but they are outstanding at creating buzzwords and pejoratives that stick.

I consider myself a progressive, definitely not a liberal. There is probably little difference, all told, but during this week of the 2008 Democratic National Convention, I am reminded why so-called "Liberals" can be so loathsome at times.

I don't particularly like Liberals, truth be told. It's not that I disagree with their opinions, because by and large I am pretty much in agreement with most of the issues of the Democratic party. But Liberals themselves can be an insufferable lot.

First, before I get into this I have to say one thing: I was just watching a brief segment on "Hardball" on MSNBC, where three women -- supposedly Hillary Clinton supporters -- were holding a fairly large banner that said something to the effect of Barack Obama having been registered as a Muslim when he was a child at a Muslim school in Indonesia. Chris Matthews, to his credit, asked these women to cite their source; they were unable to do so. (The woman actually said "I'm not going to tell you.") There is a theory going around that these people are actually Republicans who are trying to get people to think it's okay to switch sides and vote for McCain instead of Obama.

If that is true -- devious as it is -- it's genius. But if it isn't true, then these women are either deluded, stupid, racist or all three. They are children; they are small, petty, nattering little children. If Susan B. Anthony could have seen these women, she would probably have just given up. I'm sure there are men doing the same thing, but if these people really are Hillary supporters, then they are pretty much proving what most people thought: that they are racist and moronic. It's an embarrassment. Search for Cristi Adkins on YouTube -- or google "PUMA," which stands for "Party Unity My Ass" -- and see why. These people are the reason why the founding fathers created an electoral college instead of a direct vote; these dumb c*nts' votes should not count as much as yours or mine.

Anyway, back on-topic. The reason that people hate Liberals are not usually based on policy or political opinion, but rather on personality and attitude. We don't disagree with them, but we find them disagreeable. I have broken these down to six main reasons.

Now before you say, "But Bill, what about conservatives and Republicans? Don't they have unpleasant qualities too?" Republicans are fucking evil assholes. There isn't enough bandwidth on the internet to list all the shit these bastards have pulled in my own lifetime. But we all know about them. This is about why people that I personally agree with piss me off so much. They are the kind of people you want to agree with and get behind, and then they screw you right over with their unpleasantness and irrationality. They are like the friend that no one else really likes but you bring him around hoping he won't be an asshole, and lo and behold, he is an asshole.

So here are the examples of what make these liberals so unpleasant to be around, with real-life examples!

1. SELF-IMPORTANCE AND SELF-CONGRATULATION. No one loves to congratulate themselves more than liberals. Every pep rally is like an episode of The Sammy Maudlin Show. If a big-L Liberal does something good, they have to make sure that everyone knows it, and that all dissent is either racist, sexist, ignorant or homophobic.
   
   The best and most nauseating example of this is "All Aboard! Rosie's Family Cruise," one of the most gut-churning pieces of movie-making I have ever seen. No, not because it's a gay boat cruise. I think the concept is great, allowing gay families to come together and remove some of the stigma of homosexuality. But the level of self-congratulation is abhorrent. Yes, they run into some anti-gay groups on one of the islands -- ignoramuses all -- but the manner in which the infallible Rosie puffs herself up, and puffs up her own importance and her own virtue. It is films like this that (wrongly) make people hate gays, because they see the pretention and arrogance of the principal players.
   
   
2. USURPING THE MORAL HIGH GROUND. Let's face it: for the most part, Liberals are on the right side of issues and always have been. Slavery. Civil Rights. Prohibition. The Iraq War.
   
   But by God if they don't constantly let you know it. God forbid you are against something that a Liberal believes in, you must be a racist, a homophobe, or someone who doesn't want people to be happy. If you are against abortion, you are "anti-choice." If you don't believe in affirmative action, you are a bigot. If you are for the death penalty, you are akin to a murderer. If you think maybe that whole Israeli-Palestinian situation is just a little one sided, you are clearly an anti-Semite.
   
   My favorite example of this was shortly before we went to war with Iraq (which I supported initially, but now clearly understand was a tremendous mistake perpetuated by liars with a prior agenda). There was a rally for peace somewhere and there was a Muslim cleric of some sort at a podium, and he was spastically shouting "Peace be unto YOU! Peace be unto YOU! Those are words that are in the Koran, that came a thousand years before George BUSH! Peace be unto YOU!"
   
   Now, George Walker Bush will go down as our shittiest president, but where the fuck was this "peace be unto YOU" asshole right after 9/11 when twenty of his countrymen used planes as missiles? Where was this loudmouth in decrying his own pack of animals when they killed civilians? This man lambasted the U.S. for attacking Iraq, because it was the wrong thing to do; but he was never heard from in the days after our nation's greatest tragedy? He was sitting on his fucking ass doing nothing, that's what. This reason is also the reason Liberals sue everyone.
   
   Cry out against all injustice, not just injustice toward you, or shut your fucking mouth.
   
   
3. RUBBING IT IN. This is the one that I think really sends conservatives or independents over the edge. When Liberals get some modicum of success, the first thing they have to do is tell everyone what they just got and "fuck you" if you were ever against them! The worst -- and stupidest -- example of this was when the city of San Francisco legalized gay marriage and decided to have mass weddings in the front of city hall. Of course gay marriage should be legal; if they are consenting adults, it's no different than interracial marriage or a hot chick marrying a douchebag.
   
   But when you parade it around so defiantly, you are going to piss people off, flat out. What the gay marriage lobby hasn't figured out yet is that they talk about gay marriage being a "private choice" and then proceeding to parade their marriage around in front of people who don't want to look at it. If it were truly "private," you could do it in a small ceremony, and you know what? The issue would probably go away in 20 years. Conservatives think it's the idea of men marrying other men in the privacy of their own homes that they hate, but it's really having to look at it. If gays could figure that out and keep it out of the view of Joe Reckneck, it would be no big deal soon enough.
   
   
4. PRETENTION. This is what probably lost Al Gore the 2000 election. So many celebrities came out to "tell the people" they should vote for Al Gore. Ben Affleck, Tim Robbins, the guy who plays Will on "Will & Grace" (who is Canadian by the by), all telling me what Al Gore can offer me. That's very nice, and I'm sure they were all in touch with my life at the time, working two jobs, pulling down a cool $12,000 a year.
   
   Celebrities and some of the Liberal elites (like Nancy Pelosi, Barbra Streisand, Oprah to name a few) are talking to us from their ivory towers, telling us what is right for us. As if they are far more highly attuned to what is right and good and just, and that we, the simple folk, the common clay, what is right for us.
   
   Granted, most of the "common clay" (read: the flyover states) are fucking dipshits who were retarded enough to elect Bush not once but twice could use some harsh education, and based on the employment rates and economy, the idiots are getting exactly the education they deserve right now. But to have a Streisand tell me what's best for me from her oceanfront compound is rather maddening.
   
   
5. REFUSAL TO CONCEDE A POINT OR MAKE A RATIONAL ARGUMENT. This is personally the most maddening to me. Just when you think that a Liberal is going to make a good point, they fuck it up by making an equally ridiculous point. They will say something like, "The war in Iraq is wrong, and Rumsfeld is Hitler!" or if asked whether someone putting a Christmas tree up in a public place is wrong, they will say "NO BECAUSE IT'S A VIOLATION OF SEPARATION OF CHURCH AND STATE TO HAVE A CHRISTMAS TREE UP IN FRONT OF A DUNKIN DONUTS!!!!!" [Please note: Republicans pull this shit all the time too, because whenever you trash the pile of shit that is the Bush Administration, they will always respond with "Well what about Clinton???!!!"]
   
   The worst -- the absolute WORST -- example of this is that fat bag of shit Michael Moore, who makes movies that have the best intentions at heart (gun violence, the corruption of corporations, the Iraq War, the mess that is health care in America), and then proceeds to take EVERY Liberal position, and trash EVERY conservative opinion, regardless of how ridiculous or salient, respectively.
   
   My favorite example of this is the movie "Sicko," a film that rails against the evils of the health insurance industry. [Full disclosure: I am part of the health insurance industrial complex and am slightly biased.] In the film, he makes very valid points about how messed up the health care system is in the U.S., but then he proceeds to call insurance companies "murderers." Are these companies irresponsible or incompetent sometimes? Of course, every industry has them. But murderers? Go fuck yourself, tubby.
   
   In the same film, Moore takes some sick people to Cuba to get care. All the doctors, of course, are wonderful people there, and provide the best care imaginable, in clean hospitals with wonderful, hopeful music playing in the background. Because if Cuba is known for one thing, it's technological progress and clean hospitals. Also, Moore makes a point about prisoners in Guantanamo Bay who get better care than U.S. citizens. But can you even fucking imagine if it turned out that the Guantanamo prisoners weren't getting health care? I'm sure he would rail against that too.
   
   By the way, there is a magnificent documentary about the fraud that is Michael Moore called "Manufacturing Dissent." And no, it's not some piece of right-wing tripe like "Michael Moore Hates America." It actually involves a lot of liberal people and many of Moore's former friends whom he sold out. It's a great movie and you will never look at that fat slug the same way again.
   
   And finally, the Liberal offense du jour...
   
   
6. KNEE-JERK DEFENSIVENESS. This one is sweeping the nation. When Don Imus called those ladies "Nappy Headed Hoes," Liberals fell over themselves to be the first to be offended. As diverse a number of blowhards as Keith Olbermann and Snoop Dogg chastised Imus. (Drink that in for a second, Snoop criticized someone for calling women "hoes." You can't make this up, folks.)
   
   My favorite incident of the last year or so was when the Hillary Clinton campaign got upset with MSNBC's David Shuster because he said, "doesn't it seem like Chelsea's sort of being pimped out in some weird sort of way?" The Clinton campaign was horrified -- HORRIFIED I TELL YOU -- that someone would compare their own sweet Chelsea to a common whore, not realizing that in the parlance of our times, "pimping something/someone out" means simply pandering, and not a literal translation. To somehow imply that Shuster was calling Chelsea a prostitute isn't just misguided, it's dishonest.
   

Don't get me wrong, I am voting for Obama/Biden this November, and even though I'm not a Democrat, I find most of them far less offensive than their right-wing counterparts. Any party that elected George W. Bush twice has clearly lost their shit.

But I can see why some conservatives hate some of you.